We try to teach our kids good manners. One thing we teach them to say is “no, thank you”. It’s not a big deal to say “no, thank you” and move on. So, when between childhood and adulthood did people forget how to say “no, thank you”?

We’ve all been there before. Somebody offers you something, it could be anything – an invite to a party, a business proposal, heck even a stick of gum. We usually respond with a “yes”, a “maybe”, some silence, or sometimes a “no, thank you”. Lately I’ve been surprised at how many times I offer something to someone and simply never hear from them again. I realize people don’t have to fall in love with everything I do or offer…but seriously? No response?

A Few Examples

A friend of a friend asked me to help him out with developing a new website for his business. I told him I’d put together a price quote and send him an e-mail. Two weeks went by – no answer. Was my price too high? Did he find someone else? Was he simply not interested anymore? Who knows. I never heard back…

I listed my Dad’s Audi A4 for sale a few weeks ago and received a call from a local girl. She was driving by my office downtown, saw that the car was for sale, gave me a call, and went out for a test drive. She said her dad would be off work in a couple hours and she would pay cash. A few hours went by, no call. I left a voicemail and never heard from her again…

Our Response

I come by instances like these all the time where I get no response so I assume the answer is “no”. It’s not that I’m frustrated with their decision of declining my offer, it’s the method. Sure, we all like to hear a “Yes”, but even a “No”, or better yet, a “No, Thank You” is better than silence. I’m just interested in having closure. If I’m honest with myself, I know I do this too. I either change the subject after a question I don’t want to say no to, or just never answer, hoping they get the gist.

I realize it’s often hard to say “no” but I think we need to get back in the habit of saying “no, thank you” when we simply don’t want something or want to do something. I think people have got into a bad habit of letting the silence say “no” for them and it’s a cop-out.

Of course we can’t always say “yes”, but we do have a choice in how we communicate our response – staying silent isn’t an option.

Saying “No, Thank You” is a courtesy we can’t afford to ignore.

You probably noticed my previous post, signaling my big Ooops. If you have no idea what I’m talking about then you’re for the better, but in case you weren’t so lucky, I apologize for the confusion.

Ok, but nobody want’s to hear about my screw ups…so let’s get to the good stuff:

We all have limited time, and most of us have some difficulty keeping up with the overwhelming amount of information out there on the web. It’s like trying to drink water from a fire hydrant – not easy. Most of the information is useless, some helpful, and only a sliver is actually worthwhile.

Well, I happen to spend a fair amount of time sifting through my 150ish blogs or so in my Google Reader and thought you all might like to see what I think is considered ‘worthwhile’. I call them my Starred Posts.

I only ‘Star’ the posts that I consider to be truly excellent. I would say it’s a 1/250 ratio or so. Out of 250 blog posts I read, 1 is worthwhile. Now, this isn’t to say that 249 of the 250 posts are useless, but this helps me manage the impossible.

I was trying to integrate an RSS feed into this blog in a somewhat intuitive way, but failed miserably. So, unless someone has some brilliant idea of how to custom configure Google Reader’s starred items feed into an HTML page including title links and details, I’ll stick with the default starred items public page.

Basically, if you want to see what I think is a must read, take a look at my starred posts page.

Having a Drip, Drip, Drop mentality isn’t always easy. Especially when crawling up, what seems to be, an impossible hill to climb.

Most never start, some begin but give up, and few make it. It’s difficult, no doubt about it, but the reward is magnificent.

Seth Godin’s written about The Dip before, and I think it’s a great way to look at life’s adventures. However, I want to focus on the slant that faces so many of us soon after we start something new. This steep hill, or (apparent) “brick wall”, usually surfaces when we experience difficulties such as: we hit a learning curve, things start falling apart, we encounter road blocks, etc, etc. We all know what it looks like, but how do we become that 1% that takes a deep breath, and runs up the hill as fast as we can? Determination, perseverance, resiliency? Yeah, sure…these are all necessary but I would argue that passion is the driving force behind these qualities.

Why is the hill so steep!

Of course, the hill is steep for a reason. It exists, simply to discourage the masses. And give, a select few, the opportunity to be great. Mediocre won’t cut it. Being average won’t do. In fact, good isn’t good enough. The only way to make it to the top of the hill is to struggle. Yes, struggle.

I’m not talking about running a 10k, I’m talking about finishing well in the New York Marathon. Of course, we all live in our own little worlds. I have what I consider to be an impossible climb. You have what you consider to be an impossible climb. Each hill is unique for that individual…but what we do with that hill is what matters. It’s a choice really. Will you settle for being average? I struggle with this each and every day…but it’s a struggle I don’t think we can pass up.

Let’s face it, we all get a little frustrated and disappointed when people don’t notice or embrace what we’ve written, created, or talked about. Whether it be your own blog, product, or presentation, people may not care and trust may not have been built yet.

I’ve talked about wanting attention before and how it can be a slippery slope, but on the other hand we also need others to notice and interact with what we’ve done, before they become fans or followers.

So, how do we build trust? Do we bombard them with information and overwhelm them with enthusiasm? Trick them? Deceive them? No. It’s all about the Drip, Drip, Drop – that steady stream of value, accumulated overtime, until finally, unexpectedly they become a fan. A true follower, once a skeptic now a believer. Which drip was responsible for convincing them to cross over? No one knows. But each drip, as small and as minuscule as it may seem was part of the flood that they now trust and respect.

The Drip, Drip, Drop requires patience, perseverance, and dedication. You can’t just expect people to latch on and become die hard fans over night. It takes time, commitment and most people give up just before it starts paying off. Seth Godin talks about “Drip, drip, drip goes the Twit” and how it can help you build a strong foundation for something you want to launch in the future. I think it’s a great idea, and that’s partially why I joined Twitter.

One thing we have to remember though is the Drip has to be something great. Nobody wants to read a mediocre blog post, use a worthless product, or listen to a boring presentation. Every single drip must be excellent. After all, a potential fan may just see one drip. That’s it.

Whenever someone pours time and energy into a business, blog, product, project, etc their is a chance something will go ‘Red’. ‘Red’, meaning something is broken.

It could be a new marketing strategy you just implemented, an investment you just purchased, or a business’ finances operating in the negative. Ideas turn sour, things go wrong and you’re left with a mess.

The tendency for most, is to simply blame it on some external factor: economy, customers, oil prices, competitors, you name it. Or, just simply throw up there hands in frustration and give up.

Of course one of the most obvious reasons for not wanting to label something as Red, is nobody likes to admit they screwed up. But, as we all know, settling for something that is Red or mediocre at best is no way to be successful. After all, recognition of failure is a vital component in growth.

Business, Marketing, Blogging – it all seems so forced sometimes. The push/pull mentality that often surrounds these services is what ends up being corrosive. Why is it that we tend to look for the benefit of the transaction, instead of the joy in making a contribution? I’ve talked about attention and the effect it can have on economics. But is attention what we really ought to be seeking after? What is the benefit for the one giving the attention? Is there a benefit?

Most would say it’s our instinct to look out for ourselves first, make sure we are taken care of, receive something for our efforts. But do we actually gain anything by forcing others to listen to us? Would the intention of serving others perhaps fulfill the original desire of ‘receiving’ something for our efforts? There is a lot of concern as to whether the US market economy is unstable and tipsy at best, but what about the Gift Economy? Granted, the market economy is important and does have a close tie with our lifestyle, career, and security but where does the Gift Economy come into play? Does it matter?

The Gift Economy holds together the most vital characteristic of society – Love. Without love everything else falls apart. The market economy could be at its peak, but without the steady heartbeat of the Gift Economy, money holds no value, trust doesn’t exist, security is worthless, and freedom is useless.

What would happen if we took a different approach? What if we changed our strategy? What if we cared more about the customer than ourselves? What if we truly wanted to serve instead of take? Would we be setting ourselves up entirely, at the mercy of those “devouring” our precious gifts? Yes, probably. But who would win? For me, it all comes down to what constitutes winning. When the dust settles, what prize matters most? Is it money, popularity, knowledge, power? All of these are natural acquisitions when participating in the Gift Economy, but no that’s not really what I care about. I care about loving others well. And the only way to successfully accomplish this is to be part of the Gift Economy.

Are you participating in the Gift Economy? What are your thoughts on the Gift Economy and its effect on Business, Marketing, Blogging, etc?

I found an article over at Write to Done called “Write Just One Thing Today, and Write It Well”. It really hit home with me, not just with writing but with doing anything.

Here’s the theory: Focusing on one particular thing, minimizes distraction and directs attention, allowing one to pour all of their energy into the completion of a task. All of the non-important stuff fades into the background, stress vanishes, mind is clear, and simplicity arrives.

This is great and all, but is it practical? Especially when juggling several things at once?